Raleigh Reality

The world is moving so fast. Why has life become a race?  I am living on a mattress in my cousins room in Utah, going to a small local college, working at Subway and spending my free time binge-watching Grey's Anatomy.  I am only 19 . Everyday on instagram I see the girls I graduated with. They are living in their own apartments, attending the top colleges in the state, married to their best friend, some are even raising their own kids.  They are only 19 . Am I jealous? Yeah, maybe a little. Would I trade places with them? Not for the world.  You see, a few months ago, I was one of them. I was living in my own apartment far away from home, I was attending a well-known college, and I was headed places; big places. I was only 19 and I thought that's what I was supposed to be doing. But I wasn't happy. I blamed it on the depression. I blamed it on missing my medication the night before. I blamed it on homework and stress and life in general. ...

This is a difficult post to write because I hate disappointing people and I hate feeling like I've failed, but here goes nothing.   Since finding out that I can't go on a mission, my head has been a jumbled mess. I have no idea what I'm doing anymore or why I'm doing it. My mind has been filled with confusion and as much as I hate to admit it, it has also been overloaded with doubt. The plan I had for my life essentially fell to pieces and I've had to start over. So here I am at 19 years old with not a clue of what I'm doing.  That being said, I've made the decision on my own to leave Rexburg and go find myself. I'm moving in with some family in Utah and will be taking online classes and working until I can figure out what it is I want out of life. I have to be happy because if I'm not happy, what's the point of living? I know it sounds selfish and dramatic but maybe I am selfish and dramatic.  All growing up I had my life planned ju...

It is the 7th week of my second semester and I can't decide if time is flying by or dragging slowly.  I guess it's a little of both.  This week was full of spontaneous adventures but also packed with lazy days! About half way through the week, Nikki got sick and had to go to the doctor.  So for the rest of the week while she was recovering we basically camped out in the living room and had several movie days.  We watched Insidious 2 (we want to go see the third one which just came out), The Uninvited, 13 going on 30, Read it and Weep, The Best of Me, Big Hero 6, The Rugrats Movie, etc.  Like I said, lots of lazy days! On Friday I saw a sign on campus that said "Blood Drive." I headed straight to the location listed on the sign and signed in. I don't know why, but I LOVE giving blood; I think it's fascinating. But maybe spontaneously giving blood isn't such a terrific idea because I hadn't had much (any) water that day, so I was really light he...

HALFWAY DONE!!! I can't wait to go home and snuggle with my Hoover!  I miss the booger.  Once again, I don't have too much to write about.  My life has been pretty uneventful.  On Monday, we had a surprise party for my roommate Ashley's 19th birthday! We decorated our apartment and we still have the decorations up because it makes our apartment feel more fun haha.  On Friday night my roommates and I had a pajama party and watched Cheetah Girls...just reliving our childhoods.   Nikki and I in our onesies! My roommate Nikki and I went to Monkey Rock, which is supposed to be this cool place for bridge jumping and swimming, and the pictures show a beautiful waterfall which we were so excited to take pictures in front of.  Well, we found Monkey Rock, but we could NOT find the waterfall.  Like, I don't know if it dried up (which I doubt because its been raining non-stop for three weeks) or if we just didn't go to the right pl...

I can't believe it has already been 5 weeks, but I also can't believe I still have so many more to go!  With it being Memorial Day weekend, it seems like everyone went home to visit family, which is a downside to going to college so far away.  2 more months until I get to go home.   I don't really have much to update on this week.  I've just been busy with school and church for the most part.  I did get to go to the Lava Hot Sprigs on Thursday!  They are seriously HOT! But it was fun, and I got sunburnt....no surprise there.    I also decided to draw last night, and this is what I ended up with.  I'm so glad there's no school tomorrow because it gives me a day to catch up on homework and laundry and, well, everything, basically.    But I can't forget what memorial day is really about! Thanks to everyone who serves our country and protects our freedom, and especially those who lost their ...

Do you ever just feel like jumping off a platform from 40 feet high? Well let me tell you about my last two weeks. As most of you know from Instagram and Facebook, I had a meeting with my bishop 2 weeks ago where I found out I can go on a mission with braces, and so I set up another appointment for the following week to begin my mission papers. I'm pretty sure that was the longest week of my life because I was SO excited.  Well, you can imagine my disappointment when I arrived to my meeting, prepared to start the biggest adventure of my life, and the first thing I heard was "I hate to tell you this, but I talked to the stake president and you can't go until the braces are off." Alright, no big deal, now I just have to re-plan the next two years of my life. Instead of enjoying time at home preparing for my mission, I'll be starting my sophomore year of college. Instead of being in New York or California or Washington or Florida or who knows where for the nex...

Wow. Busy is an understatement. This past week has flown by and there are just not enough hours in the day!  I feel like I have actually done nothing interesting this week to put in this post. Besides school related things, I went to I-jump Monday night, which was a lot of fun! And last night I saw the Avengers, but considering I've never seen any of the Marvel movies besides Iron Man, I had no idea what was going on the entire movie.   Homework has taken over my life.  I mean, I'm in college so I guess its supposed to, but still. I would say I do an average of 5-6 hours of homework a day, plus my 3-7 hours of classes per day.  I am exhausted.  I do enjoy my classes, though, so I guess it could be worse.  BUT OH MY GOODNESS FRIDAY NIGHT I FELT LIKE A PRISONER.  So my apartment complex had a "parking lot party" with a D.J, and bounce houses, and loads of junk food, and a mechanical bull. I had been looking forward to this party allllllll we...

Well it's Sunday and I'm in Idaho, so I guess that means its time for another blog post! I got to Rexburg a little over a week ago, and I'll be here until the end of July (and for those wondering, BYUI has a weird track system rather than typical semesters so that is why I'm here at such a random time).  Spring track is the smallest of the 3 tracks, so there are only 4 girls in my apartment, which is designed for 6, so that makes things really nice. Here are some pictures of my room! I'm in love with it! The Sunday before school started was our first Sunday at church, and guess what? I got a calling that day, so I am now a Gospel Doctrine teacher. *insert terrified screaming here* Our First Sunday as Roomies! Anyways, the first week of school was great! I'm already swamped with homework but I think I've got a pretty good schedule down so that I can get everything done that I need to.  I have had so much motivation since...